Some Things Have Changed – An Update on My Faith

A while ago (December 6th), I posted an article titled ‘Truth and Doubt.’ In it, I shared my doubts about Christianity. It was pretty big for me and I’m sure it was big for you if you know me well.

You all showed a lot of care and prayed for me like crazy. And, I think, especially at first, I kind of felt it. (The prayer, I mean.) I didn’t see everything in brighter shades or.. I don’t know… Turn invisible or something. But I felt like my thinking was changing.

For a long time, I felt like I believed again. I still had all the same… misgivings. And I still do. But I just believed it all again, no matter my doubts.

In a sense, this hasn’t gone away in the last few months. I’ve just had this sureness that God exists, whether or not I can understand everything.

But it’s still hard. It’s hard for me to just accept the Bible. And it’s hard for me to pray at times. But I’m trying to return.

I still don’t really know how it’s goin’. I’m not sure what’s to happen. But I want to know Christ, just as I wanted to know Christ three months ago and three years ago.

I want to have Christ’s power in me. I don’t want to just go around being me and having my power and ‘my’ talent and my works.

Thank you all for your encouragement, your kind emails and comments, your talks with me. I have been so blessed by all of you. Keep praying. Please, keep praying.

Posted by:

Levi

Developing essayist living in North Dakota.

5 responses to “Some Things Have Changed – An Update on My Faith”

Kitsy

February 29, 2016

Levi, I was a very strong believer until I was about 30 and married a man that constantly criticized my faith, pointed out all the contradictions in the Bible, ‘enlightened’ me about the history and development of monotheistic religion, and pretty much obliterated my faith. The first part of Timothy Keller’s book on Pain and Suffering gives a good synopsis of the development of belief in God. But I would like to add that I held God and my faith at arm’s length until the spiritual exercises I went through a year and a half ago. I was 59. I tell about my transformation in a few posts: on A Ward of Jesus, there is a post titled “A Baby’s Birth” (the title hides behind the dashed lines at the top right corner of the page); on The View from 5022, there are two pieces you might appreciate: “Device Protection” and Divine Presence.”

The only reason I am suggesting all this reading is for you t I get a sense that you are not alone, and I mean that in two ways: (1) you are in good company because I have gone through at least 3 religious returnings in my life (which implies at least 3 periods of doubt) and (2) Jesus is standing right behind you, dear, with a knowing smile and a compassionate heart because He knows you like a book and He knows how the story ends; He’s proud of you for the work you have already done in the world; He’s aching for your struggling heart; but He’s allowing you to go through this because you will be stronger on the other side, more compassionate with others who have doubts, and may in fact write a book about your struggle to return. Ooops, I told you the ending of the book….sorry 😉
Ann McKinstry

February 28, 2016

I will continue to pray for you, Levi. You are a special person, I feel it, I feel God in you!
Kevin

February 25, 2016

Thanks for this Levi. I’m praying for you!
Molly G

February 25, 2016

Praying the Heavens down on you! 🙂 It’s not easy but I think sometimes God does his best work on us when we are completely clueless. Keep a “soft heart” for Him.
Dawn Boucher Giehl

February 25, 2016

Levi,

Haven’t stopped praying for you, never will! I am trusting the Lord to reveal Himself to You as you seek Him! Love you so, so much! ❤